What do I say to a parent who has lost a child

The loss of a child tends to make others very uncomfortable. “What do I say”  “How do I act” “Should I bring it up”. So instead of being there for the family who has just been turned upside down and sideways, sometimes you say nothing at all.. From my own experience I would have to say this:  I need to talk about my son, I need to remember him and I need you to remember him. I want to talk about how funny he was, how loving he was. When I’m doing something that TJ would enjoy I want to say it out loud. Please don’t stay away because YOU feel uncomfortable. I remember after TJ passed and how at first the phone was ringing off the hook, then as time passed, friends began to drop off, the phone calls became less and less and after a couple months people move on and forget that you are still sinking deeper and deeper into grief.. NO it does NOT get better after a while.. The grief remains. So as a message to anyone who cares and loves someone who has lost a child.. Just be there, talk about their loss, ask them how they are doing, mention their child and your memories of them. Our children may be gone but they are not forgotten, they will never be forgotten. Speaking for myself and I think most parents, its OK. Don’t avoid us out of fear or your own discomfort. Just continue to be a friend.. I am blessed because the majority of my friends understand this.. They talk about him and they support me and my family in our efforts to carry on my son’s legacy and his memory and I am so grateful for that. But I know from personal connections with other families that they feel very alone in their grief.  Just be there, thats all most of us need. Knowing that you care and you remember is such a precious gift.

7 thoughts on “What do I say to a parent who has lost a child”

    1. Thank you Linda. I’ve had this subject come up so many times.. I know that people basically just want to do the right thing but out of their fear of mentioning the loss, they say nothing at all.. I appreciate you comments. 🙂

  1. Thanks for that Diane, as I often wonder what is appropriate and what is not. I think each parent is a little different, but you are 100% right that we, your friends, just need to support you even though we cannot fathom what you and your family are going through. Love you Girl!

    1. Thanks Sherry, I know that every situation and every parent is different when facing grief. I believe though that as a parent, you never want your child to be forgotten. Some parents may not be able to talk about it because its too painful, and I understand that. I guess its a fine line. I have many friends in the same situation, and for us, it helps to talk about our children. I guess there is never a right or wrong answer. Just being there is what matters most. Love you too and thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

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