For me, every moment of every day of every month is the time to remember and spread awareness. You see, not an instant of my day goes by without me remembering brain cancer and what it has done to my family, my world, my outlook on life and my future. As if a bomb was detonated, with a very long, sinister fuse to just burn slowly and patiently, waiting to blow up our world and all that was in it.
I never really thought about brain cancer before. I especially never thought of it in terms of my child. I never thought I would be one of those parents that I always felt so immensely sad for. A parent who had lost a child under any circumstances. I was so protective of my kids, keeping them safe from the “bad people” in the world and the dangerous situations that they might find themselves in.. How do you keep your child safe from the monster inside their own body? It is truly a helpless, frustrating and devastating feeling.
I believe parents such as myself suffer the rest of our lives from post traumatic stress. We have been to battle, we fought the enemy and we saw the casualties of war. But we can’t go home after the battle has been lost. We must live with the terrible visions of what we have witnessed and carry it with us till the day we leave this earth.
I’m not asking for sympathy, this is our life and this is the hand we were dealt. Our only choice from this point is to either give up and die or push ahead and try to make a difference. I have chosen the latter. I will NOT go down without a fight, just as my son TJ did not go down without a fight..
As parents, we think we teach our children about life, but in reality, I think they are teaching us. I never knew I could continue to get up every morning after losing a piece of myself. I never thought I would be picking up the sword and continuing to fight the enemy, but my son has taught me this. How could I, as the mother of TJ, Travis and Josh not continue this fight. Give up???? I wouldn’t ever let TJ give up and he’s not going to let me give up now..
I accept the challenge TJ. I will take my strength and guidance from you and the example you set for me. I will not surrender and I will not lose faith. This is the promise I made to you and I will keep that promise as long as I live. I will honor your struggle and all that you taught me and those who knew you.. those who know you now through TJ’s Dream Team-HEADing for a Cure..
RIP my angel, I’ve got this