On Sept. 20, we honored TJ’s passing. 7 years before, at 11:43 he drifted away from us. Tomorrow is TJ’s 26th Birthday. Yes I said is. I am painfully aware that he is not longer here with us but it is still the day he was born and we will still have a party in his honor, complete with birthday cake. My son lived, he loved and he was loved in return and we will continue to honor the day of his birth for as long as I am on this earth.
We will get up and drive to CHLA hospital in the early afternoon and we will deliver the toys that were purchased. We have really over done it this year. I think we have more toys than there are children to receive them in which case we will hold the extras over for next years delivery.
I love this day because its the day we received one of our three greatest gifts. TJ was the third and final child in our family and so that day is beautiful and special. It is also sad and empty and painful at the same time.. Happy memories, devastating future. I guess you can’t truly know or appreciate joy without also knowing and experiencing extreme pain. So here we are now with the sadness and loss. These days are tearful, empty and sad days but I would not trade a moment of this pain if it meant never having known and loved TJ. I guess its just a big trade off.. the love and joy of a child for almost 19 years to a lifetime of pain and loss. Its life, what can I say. For anyone who has lost a child under any circumstances, you know what I mean.
So on Sept 24, please think of TJ even if only for a moment. Wish him happy birthday. I like to think he is with us enjoying the pizza party and his family and friends getting together in honor of him. We will send up a sky lantern into the night filled with messages of love to him and talk about him and how funny and talented he was. And know that there will be many many chid with smiles and a new toy tomorrow. This is what TJ would do, I know that in my heart so he will be smiling tomorrow and hopefully with us every step of the way.